Is It OK to Ask for a Video Before a First Date?

By Jan. Last updated: November 2, 2026.

Imagine you’re a good fish looking for an honest date. You make your profile all cute and start swimping away on other fishes’ profiles, when you come across an absolutely beautiful catfish with gorgeous whiskers, the kind you’d give up your whole reef for. You show up to the date, and it’s a cat. Technically, the whiskers were real. A ten-second video first would have saved you from becoming dinner.

So, is it OK to ask for a video before a first date? Yes. A short recorded video before you meet is one of the simplest ways to check that the person you are texting is the person who will walk into the bar. In 2026 it is a normal, polite request, and anyone worth a dinner will happily record one.

Quick take: asking for a short video before a first date is reasonable and increasingly common. Ask early, keep it light, offer to send one too, and treat a flat refusal plus a stream of excuses as useful information.

Why asking for a video first makes sense

Photos age like milk. They get filtered, cropped, borrowed from a cousin or lifted from a model’s feed. A ten-second clip is much harder to fake, and it tells you a hundred tiny things a photo keeps to itself, like whether they laugh at their own jokes before finishing them. Some profile photos are so old they qualify for a pension. A video is from this decade, which is a promising start.

Here are the three reasons it helps.

1. You check that the face matches the photos. Haircuts happen. Entirely different people are a bigger change.
2. You hear their voice and get a feel for their vibe, which saves you a forty-minute drive to discover they talk exclusively about crypto.
3. You spot scammers early, since they tend to dodge video the way I dodge the beverage cart on a bumpy descent.

And three weeks of “my camera is broken” is a lot of broken camera. Phones are basically cameras that occasionally ring.

The numbers that make this worth asking

Romance scams grew up while we were busy swiping. According to the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists, Federal Trade Commission data showed over 70,000 reports and $1.47 billion lost to romance scams in the U.S. in 2025.

Here is the detail that surprised me. According to the ICIJ, citing a Joint Economic Committee report, Match Group’s own data showed that between May 2024 and December 2025, the median scammer’s profile views before being banned rose from under 70 to over 500, an increase of more than 700%. That is a whole wide-body jet of singles meeting the scammer before anyone escorts him off the plane.

A 30-second check before you ask

ICIJ also describes women who paid for every message, photo and video while “dating” attractive profiles. Many later traced those suitors through reverse image searches to models and influencers. Here is a trick to use tonight: drop a profile photo into a reverse image search before you get attached. If your match turns up as a swimwear model in three languages, you have your answer, and you did it in less time than it takes to find the overhead bin you actually put your bag in.

Trust: the new U.S. law on fraud warnings

A new U.S. law, the Romance Scam Prevention Act, will make dating apps warn you when someone you messaged is banned for fraud, starting in a year, according to the ICIJ. The notice must tell you when you last exchanged messages with that person, warn that they may have used a false identity and advise you against sending cash or financial information.

Two details are worth knowing. ICIJ reports the notice is generally required by apps 24 hours after issuing a fraud ban, and the requirement applies to users who received a message from the banned account through the dating service. Scammers know this, which is why so many push you to move to another messaging app fast. ICIJ notes a victim may keep talking to a scammer off the app long after the profile is deleted. So stay in the app until you have seen a video and met in person, and the warning can actually reach you.

The warning is helpful, and it arrives after a ban. A video before date one is a check you can run today.

How to ask for a video without making it weird

Timing is everything, like announcing the duty-free cart. Ask after a little friendly back-and-forth and before you pick a place, and make it about the fun of meeting.

Lines you can borrow

• “Before we pick a place, want to swap a quick video? I like hearing a voice before I meet someone.”
• “Send me a ten-second hello and I will send one back. Fair trade.”
• “Record me a quick hello this week? Then coffee is on the table.”
• “Say hi and tell me the worst coffee order you know.”

Yes, you may say “fair trade.” It sounds like coffee beans, which conveniently is the next step.

Every line offers something back. Asking someone to perform while you stay a mystery is an audition with a two-drink minimum. Go first if you like. Prop your phone on something steady, face a window and say one specific thing from your chat, like their terrible opinion on pineapple pizza. A specific detail proves the clip was made for them, and it is far more charming than a plain “hey” on its own.

Before you hit record, give your background the once-over a cabin crew gives the overhead bins. Street signs, building numbers, mail on the counter, a uniform or work badge and anything visible through the window can all say more about you than your opening line. Keep it short, too. Something like “quick hello before my next thing” lowers the pressure for both of you.

If you want ideas for making your own clip look natural, our guide to video profile tips for dating covers lighting, framing and what to say.

What to look for in the video

• The face matches the profile photos, allowing for normal changes like a haircut or a brave new beard.
• The video looks recent, casual and recorded just for you. If it has a ring light, background music and a sponsor, keep scrolling.
• They mention something from your messages, which shows a person on the other end.
• The vibe feels comfortable, even if they are a bit nervous.

A sneaky pro tip: ask them to say your first name or hold up today’s coffee. It takes two seconds. A clip borrowed from a model’s feed would need a very lucky model.

Nerves are fine. Plenty of lovely people stumble through their first video hello like a passenger hunting for seat 32C in a row that stops at 30. Awkward is human. Evasive is the problem.

Face checks and the scam news

Dating apps are moving the same way. The Straits Times reports that new Tinder users in Singapore must now take a video selfie before they can join. Even so, Mashable reports that a viral video claimed to trick Tinder’s facial scan. A badge or a clip helps, and your own judgment is still the best seatbelt on board.

What if they say no?

Give one gentle second chance. Some people are camera-shy or have had a bad experience, so offer an easier option, like a quick voice note. You can say: “No pressure. I just meet people I’ve seen on video first. A voice note works too, whenever you’re ready.” Then stop pushing and watch what they do next.

An excuse each week is a pattern. An excuse each week plus a gift card request is a business model. If the answer is still no and it comes with a pile of excuses, a broken camera that stays broken for weeks or a sudden request for money or gift cards, step back. Our guide to fake dating profile red flags walks through the patterns, and if something feels off, report the profile in the app.

If you are in the U.S. and someone has already asked you for money, you can also report it to the Federal Trade Commission at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. It takes a few minutes and helps others spot the same scam.

You never owe anyone a meeting. Saying “I only meet people I have seen on video first” is a boundary. It accuses nobody, and the right person will respect it.

After the video: planning the first date

Once the video checks out, keep the first meeting simple. Meet in a public place, tell a friend where you will be, get there on your own and leave when you want to. UC Berkeley’s student wellbeing team gives the same advice.

Run the same check in reverse at the table. If the person who sits down looks nothing like the one from the video, you can pick up your coat and go. Set up a check-in text with a friend about 20 minutes in, so you have a ready-made exit line and someone who knows where you are.

If you are both tired from the week, a short plan is perfect. Keep the first meeting light and easy, like a coffee with a friend.

How video works on getSm

On getSm, singles record short intro videos with the front camera and post them on the mingle board, so the trailer comes before the date. A mutual hit unlocks private video messaging (here is how mutual matching works), so you can swap clips before you plan a date.

getSm’s face check confirms a face is in frame on front-camera posts, which helps cut catfishing. It is not ID verification, and a video is not proof of identity.

FAQ

Is it rude to ask a date to send a video first?

It is a common, polite step. Ask kindly and offer to send one back, and it stays friendly.

When should I ask for a video?

After a few messages and before you plan where to meet. That way the video helps you decide, and nobody feels ambushed.

Should I send a video too?

Yes, if you are comfortable. Offering a clip of your own makes the request feel fair. Keep it simple, keep your home address and workplace out of frame and feel free to decline any request that feels pushy.

Is a video proof that they are real?

A fresh video is harder to fake than a photo, and it still falls short of proof of identity. Keep watching for red flags and never send money.

What if my match only sends photos?

Ask once more and offer an easier option, like a voice note. If they keep avoiding any video for weeks, treat that as a warning sign and slow down.

So yes, ask for the video. Check the face, enjoy the voice and save the boarding drama for people who actually get on the plane. May your next date look exactly like the brochure, lighting and all.